Resilience is crucial for facing life’s challenges and dealing with setbacks, losses and changes. Building resilience in children and adaptability will help them deal with stress, and emotions and assist them in becoming well-balanced adults.

Most children are old pros when it comes to bouncing back. A scraped knee in a playground leads to tears, a kiss on the boo-boo, and they’re back out on the swings in 5 minutes. Best friends can argue, declare war, makeup and whisper secrets to each other again, all in a single recess. Children are the human equivalent of little bouncing balls! But what happens when your child isn’t bouncing back?

 

What is resilience?

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity, persevere through challenges, and grow stronger from life’s setbacks. It’s not about avoiding or suppressing negative emotions but learning to navigate them with strength, hope, and optimism. Resilience involves developing emotional, mental, and psychological tools to manage stress, problem-solve effectively, and maintain a positive outlook.

 

Quick tips for building resilience in your child

 

Model positive coping mechanisms

Children learn by seeing. While you may not have much control over the inputs at school or with their friends, you can ensure that you model positive coping mechanisms at home for your child. This can include moderating how you respond to challenges and setbacks.

Example

If your child spills their drink, instead of reacting with frustration, calmly say, “Oops, accidents happen. Let’s grab a cloth and clean it up together.” Modelling coping methods teach children how to stay calm and focus on solutions when things go wrong.

Teach problem-solving

Children equipped to handle problems independently are less likely to become overwhelmed by minor setbacks. Helping your child problem-solve can help, giving them decision-making authority in their everyday lives. 

Example

If your child can’t find their favourite toy, resist the urge to solve it for them. Instead, guide them by asking, “Where did you last see it? Let’s think of places it might be.” This encourages them to think critically and take ownership of solving the problem.

Build your child’s self-esteem

Solving problems starts with the self-confidence needed to try in the first place. You can build your child’s self-esteem with affirmations, encouraging a good social life with peers, practicing their favourite activities, helping them learn new skills, and praising good behaviour and kindness. 

Example

When your child completes a drawing or builds something with blocks, praise their effort by saying, “You worked really hard on that, and it turned out great! I can see how much thought you put into it.” This reinforces their confidence in their abilities and encourages them to keep trying new things.

Sport and resilience in children

Sports can play a vital role in building resilience in children, providing them with the tools to handle life’s challenges. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology involving over 67,000 school-aged students found a clear link between regular sports participation and higher resilience levels. Children develop coping skills and perseverance through activities that encourage teamwork, goal setting, and managing both success and failure. 

Example

If your child’s team loses during a soccer match, use it as a teaching moment. Say, “It’s tough to lose, but you played hard and supported your team. What can you practice for next time?”.

Make sure your child knows it’s okay to ask for help

Encourage your child to solve problems independently first and use your judgment with more significant problems. However, you must only step in when they ask for help, or you risk damaging their confidence.

Example

If your child struggles to finish a puzzle, let them try independently. If they eventually ask for help, guide them by saying, “Let’s look at the pieces together and see which one fits best,” rather than solving it for them. 

 

Focus on managing emotions

If your child regularly struggles with emotions, practicing mindfulness might be helpful. You can also create a calm-down kit filled with their favourite mood-boosting objects and activities (think a favourite teddy bear or a puzzle).

Example

When your child is upset after an argument with a friend, encourage them to take deep breaths and use their calm-down kit. Say, “Why don’t we take a moment to breathe and look at your favourite book from the kit? Once you’re feeling calmer, we can talk about what happened.” Children benefit from the ability to regulate their emotions healthily.

 

Reframe adverse events

Reframe setbacks as opportunities for growth and development. Work on finding solutions with your child and ask them, “What can we learn from this situation that will help us next time?”

Example

If your child doesn’t do well on a test, instead of focusing on the result, say, “It’s okay to feel disappointed. What can we do differently next time to feel more prepared?” This approach helps them see setbacks as learning opportunities rather than failures.

 

Reframe adverse events

Teach your child to view problems as challenges to overcome. Reframe setbacks as opportunities for growth and development. 

Example

If your child misses a goal during a soccer game and feels upset, say, “That was a tough moment, but what can we work on to be ready for the next match? You’re improving every time you play!” This encourages them to focus on progress instead of setbacks.

 

Practice gratitude

Gratitude is a fantastic tool for reflection. Build a few minutes into every day, perhaps at bedtime, to have your child recount what they are grateful for, including any challenges they worked through in the day. This goes hand in hand with building a positive, can-do mindset.

Example

At bedtime, ask your child, “What made you smile today? Was there something fun or kind that happened?” Acknowledge their happiness if they mention playing with a friend or enjoying a favourite activity.

 

Building Resilience at Each Life Stage of Your Child

Here’s how to foster resilience in your child from early childhood through adolescence.

Resilience for your Preschool Child

Recognize the signs of stress. Watch for behavioural changes such as clinginess, regression to earlier behaviours (e.g., thumb-sucking or bedwetting), irritability, or difficulty sleeping. Allow them to express their emotions through play. These creative outlets provide a safe space to process emotions they may not yet understand.

Use family time as a source of comfort. Activities like reading, cuddling, and playing together reinforce a sense of stability, which is especially important during stressful times. Establish a consistent routine with mealtimes, bedtimes, and playtimes to reduce uncertainty.

 

Resilience for your Elementary School Child

Open communication is essential for most kids, especially those entering big school. Reassure your child by letting them know that you are taking steps to keep them safe and are always available to talk.

Monitor their exposure to the news or other potentially distressing information. Discuss what they have seen or heard, and clarify any misunderstandings to reduce confusion. Recognize that stressors may amplify their responses to everyday frustrations and approach these emotional outbursts with patience, emphasizing your support.

 

Resilience for your Middle School Child

Fostering empathy is essential for middle school children. Encourage them to empathize with others who may feel excluded, anxious, or uncertain. Empathy will help them build positive relationships with friends, mentors, and teachers. Talk about your own experiences with stress to model healthy coping mechanisms and provide a roadmap for them to handle their challenges. 

 

Resilience for your High School Child

Provide a safe space for your high schoolers to discuss their feelings, fears, and aspirations. Listen without judgment and validate their experiences to build trust. Support their growing independence by allowing them to make decisions and set boundaries that ensure their well-being.

Encourage critical thinking to help your child process complex information from their environment. Discuss current events and their implications and empower them to develop informed perspectives. Remind your child that their value is not tied to their achievements. Celebrate their efforts to help them build confidence.

 

How can BrightSparkz Help?

Resilience is about learning to navigate challenges; sometimes, that means knowing when to ask for help. A BrightSparkz tutor helps your child improve in challenging subjects and teaches them valuable problem-solving skills and the confidence to tackle complex tasks. By working with a tutor, your child learns that seeking support is a strength, not a weakness, fostering their ability to adapt, persevere, and grow. Set your child up for success and resilience—book a BrightSparkz tutor today!